Alone,trapped and secluded is all i feel amidst the scores of people around me!
i have had issues with my friends!,they dont have faith in me... i do not understand y i am the source of their insecurity..
being true to myself .. i have done nothing wrong to them, never meant any harm but i still am made a target of insecurity.. and i am ousted .... with no specific reasons at all...
i take this in my stride and think itz just a phase and i will be back ...
i enter depression ... i hate myself , the condition i am in and all thats around me... i build a wall around me ... not knowing if its me in pain or the world trying t crush me..
i met this girl last year through a mutual friend... Pretty as the morning light upon the horizon
eyes like the jewels of the seas , smile t die for... these physical attributes add upto nothin in comparision to her personality.... i WAS in love... i fell 4 her.. and let her know..
we could not be together because of some differences...
That girl is back into my life.. me having gone through 3 antagonizing months of rehab from love , had t face her again
this calls for a herculian task of keeping wayward of any emotions watsoever that may sprout up with her around...
i now have this distinct yet faint smile on my face.. i doubt that she likes me , or does she?
its a question that haunts meh every second i think o her or anything even remotely related to her..
The trust i laid in friendship let me down but i am not going to let go so easily..
trust once lost cannot be found again..
one has to start from scratch..which i do not have the power to do...
i try to talk myself into believing that everything is fine... but i am drawn nearer. to the harsh reality that i am responsible for what i am or what position i am in today..
i am in a place where the language is not of my choosing.. i have to compromise,adjust and compromise again..
i feel i am an outsider... which i am but try to blend in ... blend i do but wen i need someone , a friend. i find none next to me.
here friendship is like onstage romance... it only works wen the camera is rolling.
Public relations screwed with my head. could not decide who t keep happy and content and who to dissapoint and disreguard..
i want to be random,i want to cry out loud ,fall,keep falling and stargaze...
with nothing in my mind... i cannot envision what tomorrow will bring but only hope for a day better than today than this moment of self loathing or pity..
my weakness is i care too much... these scars remind me that the past is real..
I used to care less of what people thought of me but now i clear the ground before taking a step...
Is it all in the head or is this just a part of life !!
This is what they mean when they look at a child and say he or she looks soo innocent coz later on no one is ... we all are guilty of either doing wrong or doing nothing wen wrong was done to us or others before us...
All i want to do is Live life carefree and on my own terms .. i aim to make money and spare time to spend it all..
Live life to the fullest with no regrets or any remorse of whats gone past,just the Haunts or joys of the Next hour in sight.
